The last few months have been a battle that I didn't expect. Nothing good or bad in life is ever expected though is it? Both have ways of surprising us...or at least that is the case in my life. I am never prepared for the yuckiness of life. I am also always surprised when God chooses to bless me.
As you know this last fall my husband and I went on a trip overseas. God used that trip to change our perspective about His calling on all believer's lives to...
"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit." Matt. 28:19
Our hearts were ready for what God had in store for us. As we followed in obedience to His call for us, our lives seemed to almost flip upside down. Much remained the same but so much changed. For the first couple of months after our trip, I couldn't contain my excitement about what God was doing in our lives. I probably told everyone I knew about what He had done in our hearts. It was incredible. Then...then reality hit. It hit hard. My excitement turned to survival mode. With the new challenges facing our family, it was a miracle that we all made it to the end of the day without hating each other. I felt like I was going crazy.
My kids were messy....all...the...time.
They were misbehaving all...the...time.
I was yelling all...the...time.
My house was a wreck (still is) all...the...time.
My precious car...the only thing we truly owned now claimed a parking space not to be driven again. My laptop died. Our money dwindled. Our extended families were facing hardships. Stress increased. My identity in Christ was doubted and pity ensued.
"Why me?"
"Why now?"
"Everything was so good before."
I had put my security in money, a car and a laptop. I had put my value on the cleanliness of my home, the behavior of my children and how "perfect" I could be,
"I am a failure."
"I am not a good enough....wife, mother, sister, daughter....believer in Christ."
I believed the lies. I let them consume me. The enemy of our Lord attacked me and in turn attacked my family. I was in survival mode. I just had to make it through one more day.
I couldn't do it alone.
I couldn't survive the enemy's attack on my own. It took the attack on my marriage for me to realize what was happening. My marriage was under a full force, kill, steal and destroy attack. My marriage is sacred. You DO NOT mess with me and my man! Before we realized what was going on my husband and I struggled, we fought and then we were finally honest with each other. My husband and I are a team. You don't mess with our team.
We rebuked Satan for his attack on our family and our marriage. We came out of the haze that had been survival mode. My husband and I prayed for our marriage, our family and our call to go and make disciples. We rejoiced with our Savior over this battle that He had won. We remembered who we are in Christ.
Our dear friend told us that when we were called into the ministry that...
"The call to ministry is a call to prepare."
We appreciated what he said then but now we have more of an understanding of what he meant.
God is preparing us for the good fight.
I am done surviving.
I am ready for the good fight.
Bring it on.
"10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."
John 10:10 ESV
