Victims and Survivors

The other day I sat across from a beautiful friend of mine. I can see in her that she is strong, brave and resolute to follow her Savior.  We swapped life stories and found we had something in common. 

 We were both victims.  

I shared with her my story and she said to me that we are survivors.  I nodded my head in agreement but couldn't fully agree inside.  I felt ashamed. On good days, I could say that I was a survivor but not that day.  That day had followed a day of triggers that filled my heart with heaviness. She had been through so much and had overcome so much.  She was the survivor.  I, however, often wondered how far I had come.  I had made it eleven years with anxiety, depression, triggers, memories, nightmares, bitterness, fear and panic attacks. But as my dear friend sat across from me, all the yuckiness crept back in.  The resentment, the bitterness, the memories.  Not for the offender but for myself. The memories of the choices I had made that led to that night.  The what ifs and the why me seeped deep inside.  Just when I thought that all of that ugliness would creep up thinking that it would take hold of me, chocking me...it couldn't because this time I knew truth.  You see even though I knew the truth, the Lord used my dear friend to remind me just when I thought I was about to lose the battle again.  She said that I was the daughter of the King.  Truth. Right when I needed it.  Grace appearing.  

I am the daughter of the King.  Whatever sins I committed that led up to the night I became a victim are forgiven and forgotten.  Whatever hurt, anxiety, depression, triggers, nightmares or fear can't take hold because I am a daughter of the King.  I am forgiven.  I don't have to be concerned with the offender because I forgive him too.  I say that in present tense because it is something I have to do every single day (sometimes more than once.)  

I have bad days sometimes but on those days I am still His daughter.  He loves me despite my past.  He loved before all of that yuckiness happened.  He died for me before I ever committed a sin.  He had a plan set in motion.  A plan to make me (and you) righteous.  

We have all sinned.  

We have all fallen short of the glory of God.

(ref. Romans 3:23)

We all deserve death for our sins. Yes, death. 

(ref.Romans 6:23)

Yet God, sent His only son to die on the cross for us. (ref. John 3:16)   He rose from the dead three days later. (ref. 1 Corinthians 15:4) If we confess with our mouth that He is Lord, we can be saved. (ref. Romans 10:19) 

He saved me and because of the grace He gave me when I was covered in the filth of sin...

He is my comforter, 

He carries me,

He provides for me.

Yet...it is not about me is it?  He gives all of those things but it is for His glory.  He is so holy, righteous, just, merciful, jealous, all powerful....infinite... 

He is the creator of the universe. The creator of the cell and of the atom.  He created you.  He knitted you together in your mother's womb.(ref. Psalm 139:13) He gave you breath. He is worthy of our adoration.  He is worthy of His glory.  

He rescued me from the pit.  He claimed me as His own.  He healed my broken heart. He made me new.  He washed me whiter than snow.  

I no longer have to look to my past (only to be reminded of what He has done for me) but cling to my Savior. My Savior who has a plan and purpose for me and my future. It is all for Him.  All for His beautiful glory.  I am His.  

I am a survivor. Yes.  

More than anything else...

I am rescued.  

My help and My Deliverer 

"To the choirmaster a psalm of David.

I waited patiently for the Lord, 

he inclined to me and heard my cry.

He drew me up from the pit of destruction

out of the miry bog,

and set my feet upon a rock,

making my steps secure.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a song of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear,

and put their trust in the Lord.

Blessed is the man who makes

the LORD his trust, 

who does not turn to the proud, 

to those who go astray after a lie!

You have multiplied, O LORD my God, 

your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us;

none can compare to you!

I will proclaim and tell to them, 

yet they are more than can be told.

In sacrifice and offering you have not delighted,

but you have given me and open ear.

Burnt offering and sin offering

you have not required.

Then I said, "Behold, I have come;

in the scroll of the book it is written of me;

I delight to do your will, O my God;

your law is within my heart."

I have told the glad news of deliverance 

in the great congregation;

behold, I have not restrained my lips,

as you know, O LORD.

I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart;

I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation;

I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness

from the great congregation.

As for you, O LORD, you will not restrain

your mercy from me;

your steadfast love and your faithfulness will 

every preserve me!

For evils have encompassed me

beyond number;

my iniquities have overtaken me, 

and I cannot see;

they are more than the hairs of my head;

my heart fails me.

Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me!

O LORD, make haste to help me!

Let those be put to shame and disappointed altogether 

who seek to snatch away my life;

let those be turned back and brought to dishonor

who delight in my hurt!

Let those be appalled because of their shame

who say to me "Aha, Aha!"

But may all who seek you 

rejoice and be glad in you;

may those who love your salvation

say continually, "Great is the LORD!"

As for me, I am poor and needy,

but the Lord takes thought for me.

You are my help and my deliver;

do not delay, O my God!"

Psalm 40

The Glass in the Frame

  

Today I caught my three year old daughter once again taking a peek at a picture of my husband and I.  It was taken just two days before our wedding.  It is still in the original frame. It is still my favorite picture of us.  

I took the frame from my daughter and noticed for the first time that somehow moisture had worked its way in between the glass and the picture.  (This probably happened when my daughter took the picture out of the frame last time she got ahold of it.) I took the picture and glass from the frame and made my best attempt to remove the picture from the glass.  The corner of the picture became a bit damaged in the process.  

I realized if I continued to pull at it that the entire picture would be ruined.

When I realized this it made me think of something our pastor said to us before we got married.  "The closer you two are to God, the closer you will be to eachother."  

My husband and I strive for this in our marriage.   We desire to know our creator more.  We have a wonderful marriage (not perfect) but the moment either of us choose to pull away from God our marriage will get damaged. 

I imagined the glass as a symbol of God.  Our picture (us) fused to the glass forever.  

We can all choose to pull away from God because of sin in our lives, a struggle that we refuse to let God handle, or maybe an attitude of discontentment.  When we pull away from God we are also choosing to damage our marriage.  

The enemy will take that as an opportunity to rip our marriages apart. 

If either my husband or I decided to try to rip the picture from the glass it would be damaged forever.  If we kept at it and completely removed the picture from the glass the picture wouldn't be recognizable.  You might be able to tell that there were two people in the picture.  You might even be able to tell that they were once happy.  In the end all you would be able to see is a ruined picture that neither of us could mend.  

We could take the picture and try our best to fix the damages on our own but our efforts would be in vain. 

  

As you read this you may be thinking of your own marriage. 

 Your picture may be in a frame but the glass is missing.  

When the glass is missing the picture is more vulnerable to ruin. 

Or maybe your picture is in the frame and one of you is clinging to the glass but your spouse has been pulling away from glass for a long time and your picture is damaged.  

Maybe your picture has been ripped entirely from the glass.

There is only one who can make the picture new.  Not the photographer but the one who created the people in the picture. 

The one who created marriage. 

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." 

Psalm 147:3 ESV

If your marriage is damaged seek Him.  He is holding onto you and He desires to make you new.  Pray for your spouse. God desires to heal your marriage.  

A healed marriage brings Him glory. 

God is the ultimate healer.  

If your marriage is unrecognizable and forever ruined....there is hope.  Am I saying that your marriage will be restored? No, though all things are possible for God!  I would love it if all marriages could be restored. Two people make up a marriage.  You can only make the choices for your half. You can't force the other person make good choices. You can choose forgiveness over bitterness with God's help. If the marriage is over cling to your creator.  He is already holding onto you.  He will never let you go.  He is our comfort. 

"For the Lord will not forsake his people, he will not abandon his heritage." 

Psalm 94:14 ESV

When we became the children of the One True God we entered into his heritage...his people.  

He keeps His promises to us.  

He will never leave you.  

"Blessed be the God and Father of our LORD Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort." 

2 Corinthians 1:3

He is the God of all comfort.  

Whether you have a happy marriage, an uphappy marriage or you are no longer married...the purpose for all of us is to live our lives according to His purpose.

To glorify our creator. 

It is our choice whether or not we choose to pull away.  

It is our choice is follow Christ or not.  

He never abandons us. 

You can choose Him in the midst of it all.  No matter what arrows are flown your way. 

You can choose to give your marriage to Him.  

He is the only one that can protect it.  

He is the only one who can take a damaged sometimes unrecognizable marriage and make it new.  

He is the only one who can make you new.  

Broken Barriers

A year ago my husband came to me saying that he had been praying and knew that we were called to go overseas for a short term mission trip in the coming year.  I was beyond thrilled! (I had been praying on this as well...not knowing that he had this call on his heart!)  My husband and I had not been able to go on any short term mission trips since high school because of work, getting married and.....having children.

We both knew the Lord was taking us into a new stage in our lives.

We prayed together and asked the Lord where we should go.  The Lord directed us and lead us to a place that is the home of an unreached people group.

 (Unreached people group :A people group is unreached when the number of Evangelical Christians is less than 2% of its population .http://public.imb.org/globalresearch/Pages/default.aspx)

As our trip grew closer I wondered what the Lord would do in our own hearts while overseas.  I didn't think I could make any sort of difference while I was there.  How could I relate to women in a completely different culture than my own?  What stories in my own life could make an impact when we are so different?  How could God possibly use me?  Why was He even asking me to go?  As these questions began to build up in my head, I told myself that God was probably just allowing me to go because he would use my husband.  My husband is so gifted with people and with teaching.  I was just happy to go along as his help mate.

The day arrived for us to leave.  We were going to be gone for ten days.  Our children would be without us for twelve of those days.  My youngest had only been away from me overnight for two nights of his entire life.  My heart was heavy but I knew that for some reason God had called both my husband and I to go.

We loaded up on the first international flight for both of us and learned what it meant to be on a plane for a very.....long....time.

We arrived in country and a journey began that would change our lives forever.  In the country that we visited the men and the women are not together often.  My husband and I spent very little time together on our trip.  Each day held a different adventure for both of us.  

On my first full day in country we were able to distribute sewing supplies and eye glasses to local women. 

 My Teammates 

(Ladies trying on glasses)

 It felt good to be able to give to these women who were using child scissors to cut yarn and fabric.  I felt like I expected to feel...glad to help.  I was blessed to be able to be among these precious ladies and looked forward to getting to know them.  I was also looking forward to seeing how God would use my team mates for His glory.  

On our second day we visited national believers and I was excited to meet fellow sisters!  We ate local food and had a good time of fellowship. 

What I didn't expect was that God would use my story to encourage two sisters in Christ.  Two women who I didn't think I could relate to.  Two women who I thought were so different from me. 

In the first sister's home she shared with us that her family had cut off her running water and electricity when she said that she had decided to follow Jesus.  To make matters worse her family also locked the near by well.  She said that she used to get angry with her family and yell at them when they would persecute her but the Lord had showed her to love and forgive them.  This sweet sister in Christ asked us to pray that the Lord would help her persevere.  

My thoughts went back to a time in my own life when my husband had lost his job and I was halfway through my pregnancy with our second child.  During that time fear ruled over me.  I was so angry that our income had been stripped from us.  In the midst of my ugly attitude, God showed me how to have joy in the midst of trials and to trust in Him to be our provider.  My thoughts drifted back to the present when my dear friend ,who lives in the country, asked us if one of us would like to pray over our sister.  I knew God was asking me to pray for her. (I am not one to volunteer to pray out loud normally so this was a big deal for me.)   I prayed and told my sister in Christ about the passage in Matthew that God showed me during my own time of need.  

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

Matthew 6:25-26 NIV

My sweet sister in Christ is facing persecution that I have never known.  She is facing poverty that I had never seen before with my own eyes.  She has young children just like I do.  She works to provide for her family.  She loves her Savior and is willing to count the cost.  (Am I willing to count the cost?) I walked away from her home with a friendship.  God broke down barriers of language, culture and my own expectations.  I had the opportunity to share a small piece of what God had done for me with her.  I am sure I left with more encouragement that she did but my heart was so full of joy.  

The second sister served us a wonderful meal (which we ate with our hands!)  She asked us about our families and we asked about hers.  She told us that her husband was not a believer and asked that we would pray for him.  My friend who lives in country told the story of how my husband came to know Christ after he and I met.  She told her how I prayed fervently for his salvation.  A story I had only recently shared with my friend was passed on as encouragement to our fellow sister.  Our national sister asked if my husband was different now than he was then.  I was glad to tell her how much God had changed his heart.  Once again God broke the barriers that I thought were impossible to break. 

(We were offered spoons since we weren't so great at eating with our hands!)

Our journey continued and God did so much in our hearts. 

 I was so incredibly humbled by my experience.  God used my story to encourage fellow sisters.  It was something I never expected Him to do.  We were able to shine for Him like I never knew was possible.  In the midst of all my imperfection God decided to use me.  A girl from a small town with no big plans for the future.  I don't have anything to offer but He saw me.  During our time overseas God gave my husband and I a passion for the those who have never heard His name.  We came home knowing our obligation to share the gospel of Jesus with unbelievers.  To live a life according to His purpose.  

God can do what we think is impossible.

He can break the barriers that we put up.  

(Fear of talking to our neighbors, friends and loved ones about the gospel.  Fear of travel.  Fear of insignificance. Lack of knowledge. Lack of money.)  

I encourage you to pray, give and go.  

Are you willing to count the cost?  

Are you willing to be obedient to the call that God has given to every believer?  

Are you willing to trust God to break the barriers?

19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations,baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Matthew 28:19-20 NIV