Bring it on...I am done surviving.

The last few months have been a battle that I didn't expect.  Nothing good or bad in life is ever expected though is it?  Both have ways of surprising us...or at least that is the case in my life.  I am never prepared for the yuckiness of life.  I am also always surprised when God chooses to bless me. 

As you know this last fall my husband and I went on a trip overseas.  God used that trip to change our perspective about His calling on all believer's lives to... 

"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit." Matt. 28:19  

Our hearts were ready for what God had in store for us.  As we followed in obedience to His call for us, our lives seemed to almost flip upside down.  Much remained the same but so much changed.  For the first couple of months after our trip, I couldn't contain my excitement about what God was doing in our lives.  I probably told everyone I knew about what He had done in our hearts.  It was incredible.  Then...then reality hit.  It hit hard.  My excitement turned to survival mode.  With the new challenges facing our family, it was a miracle that we all made it to the end of the day without hating each other.  I felt like I was going crazy.  

My kids were messy....all...the...time. 

They were misbehaving all...the...time. 

I was yelling all...the...time.

My house was a wreck (still is) all...the...time. 

My precious car...the only thing we truly owned now claimed a parking space not to be driven again.  My laptop died. Our money dwindled. Our extended families were facing hardships. Stress increased.  My identity in Christ was doubted and pity ensued. 

"Why me?" 

"Why now?" 

"Everything was so good before."

I had put my security in money, a car and a laptop.  I had put my value on the cleanliness of my home, the behavior of my children and how "perfect" I could be,

"I am a failure."

"I am not a good enough....wife, mother, sister, daughter....believer in Christ."

I believed the lies.  I let them consume me.  The enemy of our Lord attacked me and in turn attacked my family.  I was in survival mode.  I just had to make it through one more day. 

I couldn't do it alone.  

I couldn't survive the enemy's attack on my own. It took the attack on my marriage for me to realize what was happening.  My marriage was under a full force, kill, steal and destroy attack. My marriage is sacred.  You DO NOT mess with me and my man!  Before we realized what was going on my husband and I struggled, we fought and then we were finally honest with each other. My husband and I are a team.  You don't mess with our team.  

We rebuked Satan for his attack on our family and our marriage.  We came out of the haze that had been survival mode.  My husband and I prayed for our marriage, our family and our call to go and make disciples.  We rejoiced with our Savior over this battle that He had won.  We remembered who we are in Christ.  

Our dear friend told us that when we were called into the ministry that...

"The call to ministry is a call to prepare." 

We appreciated what he said then but now we have more of an understanding of what he meant. 

God is preparing us for the good fight.  

I am done surviving. 

I am ready for the good fight.

Bring it on. 

  

"10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."

John 10:10 ESV

  

From Nursery to Big Boy Room

We recently moved our boys into the same room together.  Since the room was previously our youngest son's nursery it needed to be updated to a big boy's room.  I thought I would share what made this job so easy.  I saw on Pinterest a couple years ago that you could embroidery hoops for a wall decoration.  That is what we did in the nursery.

                              We chose a cute animal and polka dot printed fabric for the nursery.

So no one would see the excess fabric I cut the fabric to size and hot glued it into place. 

Easy? I thought you might think so.  ;)

It is just as easy to remove the fabric and replace with something new.  That is exactly what we did when our five-year-old son requested a superhero theme!  

We are a Marvel family so we chose Marvel's Avengers. 

 Avengers Logo 

 Ironman 

 Captain America

 Spiderman

 Thor

 The Hulk 

Finished! 

Want to know the best part? 

 This makeover was totally free! 

 You could use a themed fabric which would be fairly inexpensive since so little fabric is needed. You could simply look at some images and draw them onto white fabric you already have at home.   I used some off white fabric I had been given, a pencil, sharpie fine point marker and Crayola markers. All things I already had around the house. (I recommend fabric markers if you have them but the Crayolas are a great compromise if you don't have any!)  

This was a fun, quick and easy makeover!  Looking forward to seeing what you do!  

Happy Creating!

-Hadassah 

A story of a boy, a rainbow and a prayer.

We had finished homeschool for the day and we were ready to relax and play.  As I walk to the kitchen, where my little boy had just finished his assignment, he leaped up, shouting,

 "Mommy, there is a rainow on the ceiling!" 

His enthusiasm grew with each moment as the rainbow on the ceiling grew bigger.  In his excitement, he yelled, "Mommy, God is reminding us that He keeps His promises!" 

Melt my momma heart!  

"Yes, baby He does!" I replied.  

Joyful singing and praises to the King began as my little ones (all three of them) danced around our living room. (My mommy heart was melting even more as I watched my children praise their creator.)

"Mommy, take a picture!"

My little boy sang with delight. 

In that moment I thought of a dear friend.  She is always taking pictures of rainbows.  They seem to follow her where ever she goes.  ;) God is faithful to remind her of His promises.  As she faces difficulty this week...I knew I had to take a picture of that rainbow for her and for a certain little boy of mine. 

I took the picture and seconds later the rainbow was gone.  

The dancing and singing stopped as my children began to cry out that the rainbow was gone.  I thought the fun was over. I told my children that God blessed us with the rainbow for just a little while to remind us that He keeps His promises.  Just then I heard a soft tiny voice saying this prayer...

"Dear Heavenly Father, please make the rainbow come back. In Jesus name I pray, Amen." 

I heard my three year old daughter echoing her older brother's prayer saying "Yes, Jesus, please. Amen." 

This momma's heart pled on the inside "Oh, please Lord, answer their prayer." 

Just then, we all looked up and the rainbow had appeared!   

"It's back!!!!" 

J.J. yelled at the top of his lungs!

WHAT? 

I was shocked and amazed! A bit surprised that God had chosen to answer their prayers so quickly. God checked my heart in that moment.  He reminded me of my need for child like faith. 

 My kids were running around dancing, singing and praising God for our little rainbow miracle.  

"God heard my prayers, Momma!"  

"Hooray for Jesus!  Hooray for God!  He hears our prayers! Praise God for everything!"

These were the words coming out of my babies mouths.  The big kids had tears of joy streaming down their faces.  

It was a grace appearing moment.  

The rainbow stayed on the ceiling for a few more minutes and slowly faded away.  

My son in desperation asked God to make the rainbow appear again. 

It didn't.  

My son got frustrated and angry. 

"Why isn't God letting the rainbow come back, Momma?" 

"Does God answer your prayers baby?" I replied.  

"Yes." 

He said, with his eyes downcast. 

"Sometimes, God answers prayers quickly and sometimes he answers them slowly.  Sometimes His answers are yes and sometimes his answer is no but He always answers.  Maybe that is what God wanted to show you today." 

"I'm mad at God, Momma. Its not fair.  I want the rainbow back."

"God loves you baby.  He knows what is best for you whether you get mad at him or not." 

My little boy sulked away.  Accepting the answer but not happy about it.  

A few minutes later I saw him sneak behind a chair and I heard these words. 

"I'm sorry I got mad at you God.  You love me and you know what is best. I love you still." 

We as adults do the same thing sometimes.  We get frustrated with God for not answering our prayers when we want Him to.  Angry when He asks us instead to wait.  Maybe He doesn't give us the answer we like.  We choose only to praise Him when he gives us what we want immediately. 

 Yet He asks us to remain faithful and to follow in obedience.   

He does love you. 

He does hear you.

He has a perfect plan. 

The question is...will we choose to trust in only times of ease or also in times of difficulty?

-Hadassah 

Victims and Survivors

The other day I sat across from a beautiful friend of mine. I can see in her that she is strong, brave and resolute to follow her Savior.  We swapped life stories and found we had something in common. 

 We were both victims.  

I shared with her my story and she said to me that we are survivors.  I nodded my head in agreement but couldn't fully agree inside.  I felt ashamed. On good days, I could say that I was a survivor but not that day.  That day had followed a day of triggers that filled my heart with heaviness. She had been through so much and had overcome so much.  She was the survivor.  I, however, often wondered how far I had come.  I had made it eleven years with anxiety, depression, triggers, memories, nightmares, bitterness, fear and panic attacks. But as my dear friend sat across from me, all the yuckiness crept back in.  The resentment, the bitterness, the memories.  Not for the offender but for myself. The memories of the choices I had made that led to that night.  The what ifs and the why me seeped deep inside.  Just when I thought that all of that ugliness would creep up thinking that it would take hold of me, chocking me...it couldn't because this time I knew truth.  You see even though I knew the truth, the Lord used my dear friend to remind me just when I thought I was about to lose the battle again.  She said that I was the daughter of the King.  Truth. Right when I needed it.  Grace appearing.  

I am the daughter of the King.  Whatever sins I committed that led up to the night I became a victim are forgiven and forgotten.  Whatever hurt, anxiety, depression, triggers, nightmares or fear can't take hold because I am a daughter of the King.  I am forgiven.  I don't have to be concerned with the offender because I forgive him too.  I say that in present tense because it is something I have to do every single day (sometimes more than once.)  

I have bad days sometimes but on those days I am still His daughter.  He loves me despite my past.  He loved before all of that yuckiness happened.  He died for me before I ever committed a sin.  He had a plan set in motion.  A plan to make me (and you) righteous.  

We have all sinned.  

We have all fallen short of the glory of God.

(ref. Romans 3:23)

We all deserve death for our sins. Yes, death. 

(ref.Romans 6:23)

Yet God, sent His only son to die on the cross for us. (ref. John 3:16)   He rose from the dead three days later. (ref. 1 Corinthians 15:4) If we confess with our mouth that He is Lord, we can be saved. (ref. Romans 10:19) 

He saved me and because of the grace He gave me when I was covered in the filth of sin...

He is my comforter, 

He carries me,

He provides for me.

Yet...it is not about me is it?  He gives all of those things but it is for His glory.  He is so holy, righteous, just, merciful, jealous, all powerful....infinite... 

He is the creator of the universe. The creator of the cell and of the atom.  He created you.  He knitted you together in your mother's womb.(ref. Psalm 139:13) He gave you breath. He is worthy of our adoration.  He is worthy of His glory.  

He rescued me from the pit.  He claimed me as His own.  He healed my broken heart. He made me new.  He washed me whiter than snow.  

I no longer have to look to my past (only to be reminded of what He has done for me) but cling to my Savior. My Savior who has a plan and purpose for me and my future. It is all for Him.  All for His beautiful glory.  I am His.  

I am a survivor. Yes.  

More than anything else...

I am rescued.  

My help and My Deliverer 

"To the choirmaster a psalm of David.

I waited patiently for the Lord, 

he inclined to me and heard my cry.

He drew me up from the pit of destruction

out of the miry bog,

and set my feet upon a rock,

making my steps secure.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a song of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear,

and put their trust in the Lord.

Blessed is the man who makes

the LORD his trust, 

who does not turn to the proud, 

to those who go astray after a lie!

You have multiplied, O LORD my God, 

your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us;

none can compare to you!

I will proclaim and tell to them, 

yet they are more than can be told.

In sacrifice and offering you have not delighted,

but you have given me and open ear.

Burnt offering and sin offering

you have not required.

Then I said, "Behold, I have come;

in the scroll of the book it is written of me;

I delight to do your will, O my God;

your law is within my heart."

I have told the glad news of deliverance 

in the great congregation;

behold, I have not restrained my lips,

as you know, O LORD.

I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart;

I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation;

I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness

from the great congregation.

As for you, O LORD, you will not restrain

your mercy from me;

your steadfast love and your faithfulness will 

every preserve me!

For evils have encompassed me

beyond number;

my iniquities have overtaken me, 

and I cannot see;

they are more than the hairs of my head;

my heart fails me.

Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me!

O LORD, make haste to help me!

Let those be put to shame and disappointed altogether 

who seek to snatch away my life;

let those be turned back and brought to dishonor

who delight in my hurt!

Let those be appalled because of their shame

who say to me "Aha, Aha!"

But may all who seek you 

rejoice and be glad in you;

may those who love your salvation

say continually, "Great is the LORD!"

As for me, I am poor and needy,

but the Lord takes thought for me.

You are my help and my deliver;

do not delay, O my God!"

Psalm 40

The Glass in the Frame

  

Today I caught my three year old daughter once again taking a peek at a picture of my husband and I.  It was taken just two days before our wedding.  It is still in the original frame. It is still my favorite picture of us.  

I took the frame from my daughter and noticed for the first time that somehow moisture had worked its way in between the glass and the picture.  (This probably happened when my daughter took the picture out of the frame last time she got ahold of it.) I took the picture and glass from the frame and made my best attempt to remove the picture from the glass.  The corner of the picture became a bit damaged in the process.  

I realized if I continued to pull at it that the entire picture would be ruined.

When I realized this it made me think of something our pastor said to us before we got married.  "The closer you two are to God, the closer you will be to eachother."  

My husband and I strive for this in our marriage.   We desire to know our creator more.  We have a wonderful marriage (not perfect) but the moment either of us choose to pull away from God our marriage will get damaged. 

I imagined the glass as a symbol of God.  Our picture (us) fused to the glass forever.  

We can all choose to pull away from God because of sin in our lives, a struggle that we refuse to let God handle, or maybe an attitude of discontentment.  When we pull away from God we are also choosing to damage our marriage.  

The enemy will take that as an opportunity to rip our marriages apart. 

If either my husband or I decided to try to rip the picture from the glass it would be damaged forever.  If we kept at it and completely removed the picture from the glass the picture wouldn't be recognizable.  You might be able to tell that there were two people in the picture.  You might even be able to tell that they were once happy.  In the end all you would be able to see is a ruined picture that neither of us could mend.  

We could take the picture and try our best to fix the damages on our own but our efforts would be in vain. 

  

As you read this you may be thinking of your own marriage. 

 Your picture may be in a frame but the glass is missing.  

When the glass is missing the picture is more vulnerable to ruin. 

Or maybe your picture is in the frame and one of you is clinging to the glass but your spouse has been pulling away from glass for a long time and your picture is damaged.  

Maybe your picture has been ripped entirely from the glass.

There is only one who can make the picture new.  Not the photographer but the one who created the people in the picture. 

The one who created marriage. 

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." 

Psalm 147:3 ESV

If your marriage is damaged seek Him.  He is holding onto you and He desires to make you new.  Pray for your spouse. God desires to heal your marriage.  

A healed marriage brings Him glory. 

God is the ultimate healer.  

If your marriage is unrecognizable and forever ruined....there is hope.  Am I saying that your marriage will be restored? No, though all things are possible for God!  I would love it if all marriages could be restored. Two people make up a marriage.  You can only make the choices for your half. You can't force the other person make good choices. You can choose forgiveness over bitterness with God's help. If the marriage is over cling to your creator.  He is already holding onto you.  He will never let you go.  He is our comfort. 

"For the Lord will not forsake his people, he will not abandon his heritage." 

Psalm 94:14 ESV

When we became the children of the One True God we entered into his heritage...his people.  

He keeps His promises to us.  

He will never leave you.  

"Blessed be the God and Father of our LORD Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort." 

2 Corinthians 1:3

He is the God of all comfort.  

Whether you have a happy marriage, an uphappy marriage or you are no longer married...the purpose for all of us is to live our lives according to His purpose.

To glorify our creator. 

It is our choice whether or not we choose to pull away.  

It is our choice is follow Christ or not.  

He never abandons us. 

You can choose Him in the midst of it all.  No matter what arrows are flown your way. 

You can choose to give your marriage to Him.  

He is the only one that can protect it.  

He is the only one who can take a damaged sometimes unrecognizable marriage and make it new.  

He is the only one who can make you new.  

Broken Barriers

A year ago my husband came to me saying that he had been praying and knew that we were called to go overseas for a short term mission trip in the coming year.  I was beyond thrilled! (I had been praying on this as well...not knowing that he had this call on his heart!)  My husband and I had not been able to go on any short term mission trips since high school because of work, getting married and.....having children.

We both knew the Lord was taking us into a new stage in our lives.

We prayed together and asked the Lord where we should go.  The Lord directed us and lead us to a place that is the home of an unreached people group.

 (Unreached people group :A people group is unreached when the number of Evangelical Christians is less than 2% of its population .http://public.imb.org/globalresearch/Pages/default.aspx)

As our trip grew closer I wondered what the Lord would do in our own hearts while overseas.  I didn't think I could make any sort of difference while I was there.  How could I relate to women in a completely different culture than my own?  What stories in my own life could make an impact when we are so different?  How could God possibly use me?  Why was He even asking me to go?  As these questions began to build up in my head, I told myself that God was probably just allowing me to go because he would use my husband.  My husband is so gifted with people and with teaching.  I was just happy to go along as his help mate.

The day arrived for us to leave.  We were going to be gone for ten days.  Our children would be without us for twelve of those days.  My youngest had only been away from me overnight for two nights of his entire life.  My heart was heavy but I knew that for some reason God had called both my husband and I to go.

We loaded up on the first international flight for both of us and learned what it meant to be on a plane for a very.....long....time.

We arrived in country and a journey began that would change our lives forever.  In the country that we visited the men and the women are not together often.  My husband and I spent very little time together on our trip.  Each day held a different adventure for both of us.  

On my first full day in country we were able to distribute sewing supplies and eye glasses to local women. 

 My Teammates 

(Ladies trying on glasses)

 It felt good to be able to give to these women who were using child scissors to cut yarn and fabric.  I felt like I expected to feel...glad to help.  I was blessed to be able to be among these precious ladies and looked forward to getting to know them.  I was also looking forward to seeing how God would use my team mates for His glory.  

On our second day we visited national believers and I was excited to meet fellow sisters!  We ate local food and had a good time of fellowship. 

What I didn't expect was that God would use my story to encourage two sisters in Christ.  Two women who I didn't think I could relate to.  Two women who I thought were so different from me. 

In the first sister's home she shared with us that her family had cut off her running water and electricity when she said that she had decided to follow Jesus.  To make matters worse her family also locked the near by well.  She said that she used to get angry with her family and yell at them when they would persecute her but the Lord had showed her to love and forgive them.  This sweet sister in Christ asked us to pray that the Lord would help her persevere.  

My thoughts went back to a time in my own life when my husband had lost his job and I was halfway through my pregnancy with our second child.  During that time fear ruled over me.  I was so angry that our income had been stripped from us.  In the midst of my ugly attitude, God showed me how to have joy in the midst of trials and to trust in Him to be our provider.  My thoughts drifted back to the present when my dear friend ,who lives in the country, asked us if one of us would like to pray over our sister.  I knew God was asking me to pray for her. (I am not one to volunteer to pray out loud normally so this was a big deal for me.)   I prayed and told my sister in Christ about the passage in Matthew that God showed me during my own time of need.  

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

Matthew 6:25-26 NIV

My sweet sister in Christ is facing persecution that I have never known.  She is facing poverty that I had never seen before with my own eyes.  She has young children just like I do.  She works to provide for her family.  She loves her Savior and is willing to count the cost.  (Am I willing to count the cost?) I walked away from her home with a friendship.  God broke down barriers of language, culture and my own expectations.  I had the opportunity to share a small piece of what God had done for me with her.  I am sure I left with more encouragement that she did but my heart was so full of joy.  

The second sister served us a wonderful meal (which we ate with our hands!)  She asked us about our families and we asked about hers.  She told us that her husband was not a believer and asked that we would pray for him.  My friend who lives in country told the story of how my husband came to know Christ after he and I met.  She told her how I prayed fervently for his salvation.  A story I had only recently shared with my friend was passed on as encouragement to our fellow sister.  Our national sister asked if my husband was different now than he was then.  I was glad to tell her how much God had changed his heart.  Once again God broke the barriers that I thought were impossible to break. 

(We were offered spoons since we weren't so great at eating with our hands!)

Our journey continued and God did so much in our hearts. 

 I was so incredibly humbled by my experience.  God used my story to encourage fellow sisters.  It was something I never expected Him to do.  We were able to shine for Him like I never knew was possible.  In the midst of all my imperfection God decided to use me.  A girl from a small town with no big plans for the future.  I don't have anything to offer but He saw me.  During our time overseas God gave my husband and I a passion for the those who have never heard His name.  We came home knowing our obligation to share the gospel of Jesus with unbelievers.  To live a life according to His purpose.  

God can do what we think is impossible.

He can break the barriers that we put up.  

(Fear of talking to our neighbors, friends and loved ones about the gospel.  Fear of travel.  Fear of insignificance. Lack of knowledge. Lack of money.)  

I encourage you to pray, give and go.  

Are you willing to count the cost?  

Are you willing to be obedient to the call that God has given to every believer?  

Are you willing to trust God to break the barriers?

19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations,baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Matthew 28:19-20 NIV